Jen and I have three adorable daughters. IF we decide to someday have child, I have already decided on a name. This name makes a major assumption: the next child will be a boy.
Seemingly change of topic, but it’s not:
A few years ago, Jen and I were watching the Colts vs. Patriots in the AFC championship game. The Patriots had basically owned the Colts in most head-to-head matchups for the previous million years and we were sick of pretty-boy Brady and his model wife (can’t wait until Tom is outed as another “Tiger”). Well, there was an awfully important play late in the game where Peyton hit Dallas Clark on a 35 or 40 yard strike that kept a crucial drive alive. Jen and I were totally stoked. After that play, we decided that if the Colts won the Super Bowl that year, we’d name our kid Dallas.
The Colts won the Super Bowl. However, we had absolutely no plans of getting pregnant. We’ve still held on to that idea, but are leaning toward naming the next (boy) child after another Texas town: Austin. Let me explain.
Another change of topic? No…
Our first two kids have 4-letter first names and 9-letter middle names. The first names held no significance, but the middle names did. The 4/9 combination wasn’t on purpose and we didn’t actually notice it until we were focusing on naming our third child. We tried and tried to find another 4/9 combination (Emma Katherine or Emma Gabrielle) but couldn’t do it. We chose Lauren Emma, a 6/4 combination. Emma has some historical significance in our families, so at least we kept that tradition alive.
So what about the next child, should we be blessed (cursed??) with another? The pattern we’ve established is 4/9, 4/9, 6/4…so the next child has to be 6/4. Further confounding the problem is the combination of initials they must adhere to.
Huh?
Our kids have the following initial combinations:
AEC
LCC
LEC
Which means the final combination is:
ACC (not to be confused by that powder-puff football conference back east)
So, the name must have initials of ACC, 6 letters in the first name, 4 letters in the middle, have some significance for the middle name, and must pay homage to the Colts. What did I come up with?
Austin Cole Clark.
Austin is six letters long and represents Austin Collie, a rookie wide receiver on the Colts who happened to play at my Alma Mater.
Cole is four letters long and fits the ACC requirement.
If we call the kid A.C., it has significance in Jen’s ancestry. Her great-grandpa had the initials of “A.C.” so we fill that requirement of having the middle name meaning something. I know, it’s a stretch to say “Cole” means something, but with “Austin” it becomes A.C. and therefore fits the bill.
Trust me, this isn’t my sly way of making any announcements. We ain’t pregnant. I may look it, but I promise it’s the function of too much food, a sedentary lifestyle, and slowing metabolism. Jen, on the other hand, is hot.
Jess - n - Jen 
This post is hilarious. Here I am up in the middle of the night sick and I thought I'd check the family blog and this made me laugh and think about my own children and their names and what they mean. Thank you Jess for this awesome post, I'm smiling which means a lot since I feel so bad.
Tana and I are naming OUR child Dallas! and one will be peyton as well (girl or boy we will see)But If we have a son first Dallas is his name! I will arm wrestle you for it.
What a long, convoluted way to name a child – if you like the name use it. Shoot, we'd still be sitting in St. Elizabeth's Hospital trying to decide on your name if we had had to go through such a process! We finally compromised on your first name. Dad liked Jesse but I didn't want anyone to mistake you for a girl so I didn't like that. Thomas for Thomas S. Monson was the only thing we could agree upon. You're lucky you didn't have to grow up in the nursey of the hospital.I like your choice.
Austin… that is a great name :)You could tell our Austin that he is so cool you named your son after him!
I think that's a great name. This post is so funny. I hate trying to agree on names.
Holy cow Clarks. I thought that Karens crazy patterns and requirements were challenging on the brain. Great post though.
The funny thing is we never intended for patterns in our kids' names (or initials). It's just happened that way.Dave: We had Dallas long before you were even married. You're lucky we've moved on to Austin. Well, I'm lucky. You'd beat me in an arm wrestle. -Jess
I love love love the pattern. Ours is much simpler: B-K-B-K-B-K (first names only). And you are absolutely correct, you can't name number four anything that doesn't follow your plan. =)
Oh – and BTW – that wasn't nice to tease us that like. I thought this was an announcement. =)
whoa, there is definitely Jen analysis in this…guess you two are growing up to be alike! cute names, and, i'm thinking this could possibly be a subtle announcement of starting back into the kid thing…i hope so! your kids are way too cute to stop at 3!